Lloyd Teo


    20091128


    How should I describe the feeling in my legs?
    Are they stiff and numb or are they soft like jelly?
    I've been standing for 10 whole hours in SITEX @ Expo since 11am.
    Just to take over Wei Long's job for a day.
    I'm such a good friend right.
    But anyway, the job was fun.
    I've learnt about external hard drives from WD, Acer and Samsung..
    And I can recite the specifications now!
    It's impressive that I can remember so much within a day, while others have worked for 4 days.
    Also, I've made new friends like Max and Marcus,
    and got 70 bucks!

    Also, I've met all three Experimentals, LeX, BeX and DeX!
    Dominic looks so different from his voice

    And I even met Hysteria and Redemption!
    Iysnin looks okay except I can tell he is a heavy smoker!!!
    But GLEN LOOKS JUST LIKE A MALAY EVEN THOUGH HE IS CHINESE.

    Wow guess I really met a lot of people!

    And an irritating Indian man came to me and asked
    "Okay so this Samsung S1/S2 Hard Drive have any backup software?"
    Being not too sure I wanted to clarify with boss.
    Then that freaking bugger had to get on my nerves
    Indian: Aiya see these kids, ask them a little more they don't know anything already.

    Damn, I felt like lobbing a fist at his face.
    It's my first [and last] day, what the hell do you expect me to know? Every single video and music format a media player supports?
    Eh no money don't buy la. Don't come and di siao people business.
    If you can afford then don't need mind so much.
    Don't come here kope free brochure go home and use as recycle paper la.


    LLOYD
    22:22

    20091124


    This sucks.
    See my blog in black and white?
    That's all thanks to the FREE Hostia.
    Free hosting services
    So I moved all my CSS and Java scripts to that site.
    I've been using it for more than a year
    But recently I logged in and all my data disappeared.
    I have no backup of those files.
    How am I supposed to revive them?
    Make another blog style?
    Hell no, I'm in love with my old one.
    And I'm way too lazy to make another one.
    Screw you FREE Hostia!


    LLOYD
    10:00

    20091121


    You shouldn't choose to play in the game.
    When you're not even prepared for it in the first place.

    It's not a coincidence; it's fate.


    LLOYD
    10:24

    20091119


    Once bitten, twice shy

    I'm back from Pulau Ubin.
    It's the second time I went there, but it ain't as bad as the first.
    There used to be relentless mosquitoes and sand flies that assaulted you everyday,
    but this time they didn't.
    Only during the orienteering activity, I got bitten a few times, but they didn't create any itch after.
    When we toured around Ubin, the familiar places I have been to started evoking memories.
    We walked over this bridge which was an obstacle during our sea expedition in OBS.
    It was pouring mercilessly and we had to move the heavy kayaks over the railing and the bridge, and settle at the few deserted drink stalls near it.
    Then we had to push the kayaks back down into the swamp and continue kayaking.

    We walked to the foot of a hill in Ubin where Armstrong watch stopped our land expedition at.
    There was not enough time then, so we had to wait under the shelter for the rain to stop before heading back to the camp.

    I finally found out that the resort we walked past during our land expedition is Celestial Resort.
    The high elements and rock climbing wall were also part of the resort.
    During OBS, two dogs came out from the broken fence around the resort.

    When we stayed in that resort in the NCC camp, we realised how much better it was than sleeping in tents during OBS.
    Each bunk had two storeys, two single beds and a bathroom in the first, and one queen sized bed and another bathroom in the second.
    The bunk was air-conditioned and had a television, a fridge[useless] and some other furniture.

    We had our meals in the resort's restaurant, Hornbill Restaurant.
    The restaurant, similar to a cafe, had a pool table and some arcade machines.
    There was a lagoon and we played beach volleyball on the sand.

    We went biking on the first day, and played beach volleyball and water polo in the resort.
    The subsequent days we had team building activities.
    There was frisbee, pioneering, kayaking and orienteering.
    Our group's kayaking activity was cancelled due to the damn rain and lightning :\
    I was looking forward to kayaking the most.

    Today was the last day and we left Ubin at 10am.
    Arrived at the Flyer at around 12pm, and we went on the duck tours ride.
    After that we went on the Flyer itself.
    Rain ruined the panoramic view of town.

    Anyway, I'm back.
    Everyone has a job.
    But why?
    Is it for the money? The experience? The fun? The impression?

    I'm in a dilemma whether I should work and why I should.
    I realised I don't have an urgent need for cash, but experience is another factor.
    Even if I'm working, will I have the time to relax?
    Why work young when you can work when you are older?
    When you're young, opportunities lie ahead where you can do a lot of things which you won't have time for when you're older.
    Like?
    Learn hip-hop dancing, playing the guitar.
    THATS WHAT I'M GONNA DO. YEA!

    So what if they earn more money than me and have more experience?
    I know how to enjoy life.


    LLOYD
    16:49

    20090916


    Am I just another post-it note?
    One who is thrown away after use?


    LLOYD
    23:07

    20090910


    Watched the last episode of the destiny show.
    The plot is really great, and it ended off beautifully.
    I feel much happier but empty at the same time as the show has ended.
    For a moment I felt like I was in the show myself. So enjoyable!
    Dreamy...
    Shit!


    LLOYD
    19:44

    20090909


    Troubles are all around me lately.

    I was leading a fine life these 2 years, thinking that solitude was a factor.
    The moment only lasted 13 days. And it was my first and my last.
    I bet you had no idea how important and significant it was to me.
    To you, it is just another usual, or rather a casual one.
    It should be easy for you to forget and let go of.
    But it isn't the same to me.
    You drew my happiness at first but tore it all apart.
    You built up my strength to love at first but crushed it all back down.
    You wouldn't have any idea how vividly I remember every single detail of it.
    You wouldn't have any idea how much tears I have shed for the end of it.
    You wouldn't have any idea how long I took and the effort I put in into forgetting all of it.
    And you had to suddenly speak to me just to make the effort all so futile.
    I thought I have changed these 2 years, being an innocent boy who has never committed himself in relationships.
    But I failed and lost the battle when I was reminded of you.

    Why?
    Isn't our current relationship good for the both of us?
    Why suddenly choose to remind me of the past?
    I was doing very well trying to forget it.
    In fact I almost did.
    But you stopped me.
    You came back and now I can't forget it.
    WHAT THE F DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!
    __________________________

    Exams are approaching.
    But as I type this I clench my fist, thinking of the whole pile of shit I'm facing now.
    1. Family matters
    2. Friends
    3. Poor grades
    4. Weak attention and motivation towards studies
    5. Demoralisation from Preliminary 3 Examinations.
    6. State of dilemma over whether to drop my sciences.

    It's not the power of one.
    It's the power of all 6 problems that kills my interest and enthusiasm in life.
    What's the point when there's no cure for some?

    As hard as I try to not get involved with my family matters, it pulls me deeper.
    I am guilt-ridden over the latest mishap that has affected my family, as well as my relatives.
    I'm sorry. It was really unexpected. I can't forgive myself because I am part of the cause.
    And each morning I wake up, trying to cry but I can't.
    And the more I think about it, the more I don't feel like living.

    And my parents have been intimidating me recently.
    With their nonsensical and unreasonable actions lately, I have no choice but to succumb to them.
    When I see friends and cousins being so loving and being loved, I feel jealous.
    Why am I not like them? Why do I feel annoyance whenever something exists?
    Why can't I accept them? Why do I lack the respect for them?
    I really want to love you, mum and dad.
    But you have never given me a complete opportunity.
    One time you treat me nicely with patience, the next time you yell at me with hatred.
    Of course I won't like it, I learn from you and I yell back with rudeness.
    I wanted to try my best to change for the better to suit you, I know it's all for myself.
    But every time I almost succeed, accusations and unreasonable statements fail me.
    The thing I really hate you for, is the sarcastic tone you use to threaten me.
    They are so exaggerating, so fake, and they get on my nerves.
    Do you really think I don't know that they are all lies?
    One example:
    Recently, you randomly come to me and tell me that this person is working really hard for O levels.
    You even lied and said that he did very well for his studies and that he's way more hardworking than me.

    Where you went wrong:
    1. You didn't get the facts right: He did worse than me for 'O' level chinese, and he's still hanging out everyday with his friends.
    2. You shouldn't compare me with him, we are two different people.

    Another one:
    You state random crap that is so ridiculous.
    YOU BETTER OFF THE COMPUTER IN 5 MINUTES. THERE IS A TIMER THAT WILL DESTROY IT IF YOU DON'T OFF.
    YOU THINK YOU A* IN PSLE ENGLISH YOUR ENGLISH VERY GOOD NOW AH?
    YOUR TEACHERS IN SCHOOL CALL ME AND TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR MISBEHAVIOUR IN SCHOOL ALREADY.

    Where you went wrong:
    1. There is no timer in the computer that will destroy it. Even if there is, you won't know how to set it up. You can't even afford such tools!
    2. I didn't say that my english is very good now. Let me get this clear to all people. Even those guys in school who think I'm bragging: It's YOU who think that way. Not me.
    3. Please, I dare to say I don't misbehave.

    Now you make me hate you.
    And I feel like I'm unfilial and disrespectful.
    I hate myself now.
    Can I die?

    Friends are something I really cherish, but whenever I need them, they don't seem to be there.
    Recently, I feel like I have lost another one, or rather my last one.
    I hope you will read this and know that I'm referring to you.
    I have always treated you as my best friend.
    I thought you would make a great friend because you were patient, understanding, and you would always share your secrets with me.
    When you told me no one else, (not even your closest friends whom you always hang out with) knew, I felt really honoured because I know that I'm important to you.
    Our friendship is a discreet yet unstable one:
    Each time we talked we would move closer by an inch.
    But each time we didn't talk we would fall apart by a yard.
    And ever since you've made outstanding progress with a friend, I felt that I have totally lost the position in your heart.
    Seeing you hitting it off so well I feel happy for you, but at the same time I'm jealous.
    I doubt you know that.
    What am I reduced to now?

    Guy friends are also becoming less and less trustworthy.
    I can't tell who are solemn and serious, and who are just casual and easygoing.
    I needed true friends but I don't see any that are able to share understandings and emotions.
    I hang out with them, true. But I don't feel safe or secure.
    Faces of acceptance show, but who knows if behind my back they change into annoyance, unacceptance, or even hatred.
    I look like I'm happy with them but I don't feel like that.
    When they mention about sensitive things I feel offended by, I try my best not to retaliate and feign ignorance.
    But actually deep down inside my heart, I minded.
    And you were one of them.

    I feel like dying.
    Escaping from troubles may not be a solution, but at least I don't have to bother about them anymore.


    LLOYD
    23:30



    Happy Nine Day!
    It's 9th of September 2009, 9:09:09PM!
    I love you forever and ever, let's be lovers for 999999 years.


    LLOYD
    21:09

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